What is it Like Being Bisexual? (Ft. Anna Akana) – Off The Pill Podcast #24

My dms are always about I'm gonna kill myself My sister killed herself

My brother killed herself My father killed herself Being bi and asian I was like I have both invisibility things in the media I just don't exist I'm the invisible woman Im such a controlling calculated person already that I want someone who could sort of not be pushed around by my energy and could push back -Interesting Okay? Ready Welcome back to another episode of off the pill podcast A little late And today we have a very special guest miss Anna Kay Akana Ooh my full name I know we checked your Wikipedia She is a American actress, filmmaker, musician, author, and comedian She does everything and also a youtuber with over 25 million subscribers and over 285 million views We also have David in the moderator seat Hello And we have Paco sitting right next to me There you did it! You're a little slow today again Yeah

I'm a little slow Anyway, yeah, we're here with I should you know what I should start doing introducing the guests last It's a little less awkward No, how do people normally do those? Yeah, maybe yeah, we're so there's only our third one here in LA So we're still figuring it Welcome Thank you for coming Thanks for having me me I know you came all the way from i'm not gonna say where I don't wanna say that I don't wanna give away your location All the way from Montana Its the second time I did that Yeah Thank you for coming out here Thanks for having me guys We just learned recently actually that well, I just learned recently that you're actually part Hawaiian Yeah, I'm a 1/4 Yes, and I went to Ewa Beach High School Did you really? Yeah, we've had this conversation

Yeah, remember Yeah, see he remembers This is from the I dare you we did Yeah, and also Arden just been friends Oh thats true Well what my bad What's the other three 3/4 Japanese Filipino and then a bunch of white? Mmm? Did you speak any foreign language I speak Japanese I also speak Spanish Roughly very roughly So you're fluent in Japanese? Sort of but none of my family speaks

So I'm really rusty And also I grew up in okay now which is more like hillbilly Japanese That's me Yeah, so I'm hairy and dark Oh nice Yeah, are you serious? I am oh, but I lasered it away So I'm fine Ohh I need to get that then

And you also speak Pidgin Which is technically another language Nowadays -we're bilingual now, I guess I don't really count it I think I just I don't count that as a language Okay, well I mean we were also talking about you just When did you release your music video? My first one came out in May uh-huh So you are uh, I don't know if I don't know if I talked off camera about all your music videos coming up I don't know if you want to talk about

Yeah, I saw I did a visual album That's 13 music videos a fourth are animated and I've been releasing one a month and I'm currently working on my second Wow, that is a lot for people that don't know that's a lot of work For people who don't know and you started off on YouTube I sort of didn't stand up as a teenager and then I started doing YouTube Simultaneously because my brother actually showed me one of your videos you and natalie tran and he was like look at these people Yeah, I did a video – community channel No no, he showed me both of your channels I don't remember collabing with her No no And I was like, oh because when you start stand-up you're doing it in like laundromats or coffee shops And people are very annoyed that you're trying to talk to them And I was like, oh I can voluntarily like click on a video I want to watch like I'll do that as well like so I don't feel like I'm harassing people all the time and so I sort of really fell in love with community channel in you and happyslip and I was like, oh I love the format that these people are doing and so I started on YouTube as well

How long were you doing stand-up comedy? I started when I was 19, so Pretty young Yeah about a decade You did stand-up comedy for a decade Yeah, I just recently quit to transition to music Got it

So you and you're saying you did that here in LA Yeah So I would drive out to LA and when I was underage I had to wait outside of the comedy clubs till it was my turn to go on stage be Escorted onto stage and then be escorted out No idea I thought you just started with YouTube no no YouTube just kind of what took off because I feel like I don't know if you guys have experienced this but when YouTube came around I was like, oh, this is the only place I see other Asian people doing anything like comedy lifestyle Beauty anything at all And I was like, this is so cool Like I didn't I'd never seen like Michelle Phan watching her video I was like, oh, that's how I like do makeup for my eyes Like I've been following all these other tutorials that were wrong for my eye shape And so I feel like I didn't think about it actually Yeah! It's like specific – yeah because we need to put on like eyeliner you'd be like where to go, you know And so there was a difference that that is all the same No No, it's very different doing it makeup for an Asian face is different

She was here on the last two podcasts ago and After the podcast she did stuff to our faces put stuff on us Yeah, I don't know Why exactly we were just hanging out and then she that the what is it called? That thing on the eyelid Yeah, that stuff is awful man That's worse than like when we did the BGA stuff for the kpop makeup It's like torture You do that to yourself every day

Yeah every day I wouldn't You get used to it You just not used to touching your nerves there Yeah, or like if you try to put in like in your waterline And then you should just tattoo it so that you don't have to ever do it again But then if you have to do as an actor, I I can't cuz I have to do natural makeup How is that going by the way? It's great been acting a lot been acting a lot I'm doing uh, I'm doing a to Netflix thing so I'm in a Netflix Christmas movie called let it snow which is based on a John Green Book and Then I'm also I don't know if I can announce it technically, but I'm also in Jupiter's legacy Which is based on a graphic novel So I play a Japanese assassin in that it's awesome I know dude

It says Netflix originals Yeah in it crazy how That's like oh, yeah I'm doing ABC show Oh cool That's cool

I'm doing like a NBC whatever but Netflix No, that's yeah Netflix is like the new thing like I would rather see somebody they have more consistency Yeah Yeah, they get to be edgier Yeah, it's really cool Apparently, they trust creators a lot to do their thing Okay, you you are a hustler you were I mean I was reading through your Wikipedia You've you know come out with music you've done music

You've done YouTube stand-up comedy acting Came with your own clothing line up Book What like what dude do you sleep I do I get seven to eight hours a night and you're very uppity Yeah Yeah, I don't know I think I get like I really like what I do I get bored very easily So I always want to try something new and exciting

I really love learning And so I see YouTube and all that stuff is my own film school Yeah, and I also think it's very fun to juggle projects because when I get stuck on one I get bored I can just shift To another and feel like invigorated but when I go back to the other project that I was stuck on before and yeah You know, there's like the impending sense of like, oh, I'm gonna die and nothing matters So like maybe I should just work harder Mm-hm, and I think I want to bring up a Twitter question when it comes to that Somebody actually asked I just want to make sure that I get the proper name and credits to them Caroline Road said can you walk us through your creative process of making videos? But I wanted to kind of expand this because when making videos it's gonna be completely different from how you do your other projects That's just music or such as when you write your you know, short films and then start wanting to direct them So what is the process like? Different housing Oh man so differently Well YouTube I'm sure you know when you've been doing it for a decade I have no ideas anymore

So I write my YouTube videos like the hour before my crew arrives And often all like still be finishing it as they're setting up So you – I've trained myself to just procrastinate till the absolute last possible moment With everything else I'm sort of Concept based first, so there are certain stories Like I've wanted to tell forever like I did a stop-motion short called dolore that I've been working on for 10 years But kind of accepted like stop-motion as a craft I'll never be able to do on my own So I waited until I had a quarter of a million dollars to do it right And I wanted to use that as sort of like a proof of concept because I love animation and directing and I came up as a freelance storyboard artist when I was doing stand-up so I would do like I learned how To draw anime I think when I was a kid and so doing storyboarding and doing animation was like a huge part of my childhood If you could please adjust it, that would be great So yeah, I don't know what my creative process It's been very like I'm emotion driven Like I feel like I transmute a lot of my favorite deep feelings into art so my album was born out of a Wanting to quit comedy because people have come threatened to like come shoot me at shows and comedy shows don't have security every venues It's one of the big reasons I salad reason

Yeah, but I okay So I was really afraid of like, you know, not only putting my life on the line, but somebody else's life on the line Especially after christina grimmie got shot And but I'd always done music in my stand-up comedy sets And so I was like well every music venue I've ever been to have security like that's just something embedded in that culture So I feel a lot safer and capable of doing that and then also I I went through a really rough breakup and a suicidal episode and so Music is sort of what really helped me come out of that and writing it as well Okay, let's go back a little bit because I mean, I I mean, I feel like that's uh DAST, I mean that's one of the one of the reasons obviously there's it's not the only reason why you stopped doing stand-up No I mean I've been doing it for so long I'm also I'm a coast comedian So my stand-up sets all about my abortion My sister's suicide Dysfunctional Asian family Midwest audiences don't like it

Oh sure Yeah, so I could I was very limited as a comedian And what I was able to do in the audience is I was able to reach and once I did it for ten years I was like either have to really commit to this and figure out a way to make this funny to Midwest Audiences or I just have to accept that I have to step away from comedy for a while Right? Were you focusing mostly on like Asian topics or no a lot of death like a lot of my comedy was death based Jews are dark Yeah, very dark So you're saying that in the comedy world that that when you get that dark it's not is like Midwest people want to they go to a comedy show to escape so they want to hear like guys are like this and girls Are like this whereas in LA in New York where you're exposed to a lot more? You are down to go on that kind of journey with me like you're over should further Yeah, like you're okay to laugh at an abortion joke, whereas in the Midwest everyone's like thought no, that's murder really Blue Collar Comedy Tour like that's so wall out there Yeah, it's very light-hearted easy to digest That's interesting though when you so You so the Christina Grimmie thing I mean that happened how long ago like two years ago Yeah, yeah that I mean even for me not that I went to a lot of events and traveled and stuff like that But after that, I literally stopped yeah, everything never really did any more events since that and it affected me I'm sure it affected a lot of people but did really like that's a big thing to you That's why you one of the main reasons you stopped well I've had I've had stalkers over the years and one stalker When I was promoting a comedy show was like I'm gonna come and I have something for you and he'd been emailing me all the time and like started talking about how he wishes my sister was alive so that he could fuck her and like I would be jealous like he was really disturbing shit and then he's he's sent an email that basically alluded to The fact that he had a gun and that he was gonna come see me and so I was like I dropped out of it I did I had hired a private investigator, but we couldn't figure out who he was So we think he's actually an IT because he was able to mask his IP address and stuff like that Wow Yeah do you think that because you're I mean generally your skits and your Like use of your comedy your sets and stuff are a little bit darker Do you think that's why it drew somebody like that? Cuz I I mean everyone we talk about girls every girl we've had on the podcast has talked about a stalker experience Yeah, but that one is pretty I haven't heard one that that's that's pretty dark Well people because I'm so outspoken about suicide and mental illness like a lot of mentally disturbed Individuals latch on to me like my DMS are always about I'm gonna kill myself My sister killed herself my brother killed herself

My father killed there's not like so many of them are that or I want to fuck you in the butt or something like so it's like sexual or death and then I also get the people who have both and so it gets a little scary cuz you're like I don't know where this person is how serious they are If they're just sending something across the internet because they can or if they actually have a gun and they're gonna come drive across the house effect you like Like it has to mess with your mind though Like yeah, definitely paranoid all the time And getting like serious like yeah, yeah, they're so casual ball which I find funny but I know it's not funny Yeah, I mean I was a girl you just get used to a certain level of danger in everyday life Mm-hmm, but I also feel like with your stand-up background you kind of take like that pain or like that Awkwardness and you turn it into something that you know can be seen more lighthearted Yeah I try but also, um Nevermind forgot my question Okay All right

I just think there's like if I were in your position and in getting DMS about like not the sexual stuff I mean that I wouldn't yeah That's like me but more about the II like the more deeper stuff Like I would feel a very heavy burden my shoulders and and I wouldn't know how to deal with that like do you I mean, I'm sure you kind of have to go through things like that and and it's not like you could save everyone, you know, I mean we all want to but I mean I How do you kind of deal with that? Like it's it's very There's another question actually Yeah, I wouldn't know how to so yeah therapy man Like I've been in therapy for ten years and I think it's great And my therapist was like do not respond to any of those people Yeah, she was like first of all someone who's very seriously considering suicide is most likely not going to send that out on the internet They are You know internal and they create a plan and you don't see it coming and she's like second of all if you respond once that person becomes relying on you and It's gonna guilt you into having to respond to them every time and also for my mental health Like I can't like I've had friends who have used the suicide thing it's like a way to get me to do things or they're like Emotionally manipulative because they know that's my trigger And so now I'm just like I can't engage like if someone's is very seriously suicidal I know them and they're my friend Like I know how to be there for them But if you're a stranger on the internet, I cannot help you in that way, right? Yeah, you gotta go to therapy on the record I want I promise that was my question totally forgot blanked out of my you went from your head into Davis because like a lot of people do deal with like People reaching out to them and saying oh, I'm very depressed And it's just like how do you mentally like? Oh is this my issue? You know, so I think for a lot of content creators Hearing that it can guide them through like oh, this is not for me

It's not my burden to take care of Yeah, I've come to the same conclusion I think to not respond but I've definitely had like moments like I know I Like DMS where I don't want to open it because they'll see that I've read it and didn't do anything about it like the top line is like I really need to talk to you because I Like I'm contemplating suicide and like I feel a sense of like even guilt not opening it but I know it's not gonna help to do that because like What's to stop from the next like hundred of them? You know when I just open that one and then I'm just caught up in this I never actually talked about this before but I came to the conclusion not to open it, but I do feel like guilt, you know, because like I don't know what happened to that person, you know, and like what if I had opened it and Just said one thing and they're fine I know I think he just said I we I came to the same conclusion But I did always have a little bit of guilt of not opening it cuz it's not that hard you do But I guess hearing you from it I should go see a therapist But the thing is like yes, I understand your guilts You're like, well, I have the power to influence person Yeah but the thing is then that becomes all-consuming because times that by like a thousand times it by a hundred thousand and it's like Then what happens if you say something and then they kill themselves now, you have the opposite go effect You're not a licensed like psychiatrist You don't know what to tell people and so for me It's like I will make my videos and I'll be vocal about these are the things you can do Here are the solutions for depression

Here's here's the resources you have but I can't be accountable I'm not trained for that, right? Yeah, that's fair Yeah, I had a conversation with another content creator We kind of came to the idea of the time spent like helping us one person where you're Completely unsure of what you're doing If you just focus on the stuff that you usually do you help like way more people And that's stuff that you're good at so it's just like if you keep doing your thing You'll you'll be positively impacting a lot more people definitely Well, you said that that's like one of uh, obviously you have personal reasons that that's a trigger

Yeah with your sister But like you said you also talk about it in stand-up Mm-hmm How is that? So I mean, I know it's Obviously personal to you and that's probably why you use it But if it's a trigger to you, don't you think that that's kind of? You know a touchy subject for you Yeah, I couldn't make a suicide joke for seven years So I was doing stand-up for seven years before I could actually make a joke about it and laugh And so then it became a thing of like ooh, I like that It doesn't have this power over me anymore Because before any time someone would colloquially mention in conversation like oh her head is in traffic for one more moment I was gonna kill myself I would just feel crazy and I got to a point where I finally was like oh, okay If I can make it funny if I can find a lens to laugh at it and to allow other people to laugh at it That's so empowering for me and it's also normal I think suicide ideation should be more normalized because all of us we're so isolated every day We don't we're not in the food chain anymore

So you just like live this weird existence where you're watching Everyone's best lives on your screen alone in your fucking bedroom feeling like a loser I feel like a lot of us go through periods of depression and wanting to kill ourselves and wondering if our life means anything and There's been sort of this alarmist view like oh god If you have any of those thoughts you're freaked and like You need to be on medication and you need to like go to therapy because you're crazy Whereas I'm like no, I'm pretty sure everyone gets to a point in their lives Maybe once or many times where it even just crosses your mind Like should I kill myself? And so I like to try to normalize those feelings while also pointing out that that's not the answer Yeah, I mean, I agree with that I think everybody I always assumed growing up because even as a little kid I didn't understand it really but I like Contemplated not doesn't mean I was gonna do it and I just you know, everybody has those thoughts I thought everybody would have those but maybe not I don't know I've thought about it everybody has and you're like I think even in the opposite side of that spectrum like we've all had like a small thought like man I really want to kill that person Yeah, but you know, you shouldn't do that every time I hold a knife and I'm by someone like I could just stab ya that's wrong or like like we're driving you're like There's a bicycle and everything like yeah, it's go Lane You're like, oh my god, nd Yeah, I could get one star in GTA right now

It's crazy like when you're driving The only thing that's stopping Both cars on the other side is just a lion just one line Sometimes it's it's dashed It's not even a solid line Yeah, you could just literally just go left and there the person goes left Just a line it's just a line so, you know life is life can be short never know go Dark deed wasn't she brought the first Twitter question You might keep rolling with that Oh, no, it's just like you're Something because usually we do Twitter questions in the end where there's good questions There's interesting fans

There's a tweet here It's you actually your tweet July on July 7th, you wrote money fame success status Oh shit disappears and has forgotten how you help people inspire others empower and amplify voices other than your own The extent of your kindness that's the shit legacy is made of I really like that Thank you Like what prompted you to like come up with this this sort of tweet Um, I I think we all get caught up in the game of oh, I gotta be more successful I gotta make more money I got it You know do all the cool things and then you lose sight of what is actually important and I feel like life is this really annoying cycle of doing that again and again and again and That was just a reminder for me cuz I was looking at Instagram obviously and like looking at things everyone else was doing I was like am I doing everything wrong? like should I be doing more of like what this is or be more of like who this person is and just feeling like I feel very lame a lot of the times I feel like everyone's so much funnier and smarter and like or inspiring or whatever and I just never feel like I am doing enough and so that to me I was like You know what? I can only affect as much as I can affect like there's a really good quote by Mother Teresa That was like I alone cannot change the world but I can cast a stone and create many ripples and to me that's that's always the way I try to live is like You know, it gets really overwhelming when you watch the news and you're like I want to help the world But I can't so it's like well I can only cast as many ripples and hopefully those people cast ripples as well and try to be a positive force in the world because I feel like Apathy has become very cool Like let me not care Let me know vote little bit But I'm like well in 11 years global warming is gonna be at the point of no return you guys like let's let's all chip In let's all care Um, so yeah, I think that was just me reminding myself, like don't get caught up in that bullshit too much What what like, you know, you've done a lot of things in what what's driving you to? Like do so many things

I think earlier You said you get bored pretty easily But but what is it inside of you? That that that Feels like makes you feel like you you need to do all of these things Really ambitious kid like I remember my first dream was to be the first female president of the United States like when I was five I was like That is my path I am Amy Poehler before Amy Poehler existed and I've always just felt like I want to do great things for Humanity and ultimately, I've realized like my strength is taking my life experience or taking things that I'm feeling and turning that into art that can hopefully Like make people feel less alone or inspire them And so for me, I love playing in different mediums because then you get all your life experience and in a new medium It's all up for grabs again like versus YouTube I'm like I've talked about every topic there is to fucking talk about I don't have anything else to say But if I go to music, I'm like everything I've ever gone through is now up for grabs I can say all of that again in just a new medium And so I like I like medium hopping as well I think it keeps you creative So what are you gonna do when you run out of all of those feelings that you can sing afro? I don't have Right, you may come back to the other medium Yeah when you have more things to talk about yeah, but That is interesting though

And it I feel like you have to have there's certain people in the world I feel like just have more energy than others and I feel like you're one of those people there's like You know the people you watching it's like like Kevin Hart right, buddy Like you're just looking like man, how can he do all these things? I call it? How does he have the mental capacity? Is that something you've always had that's like like you said as a little kid or is it something that you had to like train? yourself Prolific nasai feel comes from organization and attention management So I'm very very good at time management I can structure my time in a way that I'm like Oh, this is how I can maximize the amount that I can do Some day is like I'm tired and I don't want to do anything and I clear my schedule and I just like lay around but for the most part I'm very good at when I have a task to do I know exactly how to do it in the most efficient way possible You don't get lost in that like, you know a lot of artists once you're like in a zone Nothing else matters You just keep going until you realize I just used up my whole day You don't go through that I do but like I I do it a per project so I get very obsessed with one project I complete it and then I do all my others I see Oh, well, that's discipline then at that point Ya have the opposite thing I get excited about things get into it jump onto something else kind of forget about it Come back Just I'm everywhere

I think that's a good process too if that's what works for you It's better to just finish things have a lot of unfinished things I Was like this is a great idea and sometimes I'll forget about it Come back and be like man, I should did that back when it was relevant Yeah, sometimes you got a we work off the muse energy Yeah, I have those too Yeah, do you like Being crude II like the business aspect of what you do I do and versus a creative I mean is it like a 50/50 thing for you? Yeah, I really like like Excel spreadsheets and color-coordinated calendars because your Organization though

That's like so left brained You know, it's fun It's a relief from creative because there's like oh there's one way to do this Right, and if I numbers don't add up then I have done the math wrong Whereas creative like the box There's no box So you're like, oh you're anything yeah Where's the business side gives me a break from all that and I can be like let budget so you enjoy that so yeah I personally think that like there if you you have to have a little bit of that like a little bit of Organization to become a successful creative because if you don't have that or some sort of structure in your life I feel like what you just said, you know when you're treated It's just there's no walls

It's just like oh, yeah Energy, that just goes outward But you have to kind of bring it in and be like, okay, I'm gonna use this energy to create a song Oh, yeah film or a script So I think that that's super important Yeah I mean I have so many friends who are like way more talented than I am they just don't have the discipline every day to like stick either follow through just likes finish something or Their perfectionist and they like just finish it over and over and over again until they hate it and they throw the whole thing away and I think for me it's always like I want to be at least 90% there and then I have to let it go like Nothing's ever gonna be perfect So let it go once it's 90% of the way there I mean, obviously if there's anything glaring you want to fix yes, but I also know when to be like, okay This has been enough time on this leg move on Yes, so I read in your bio that your your father was an officer in the United States Marine corpse Thanks, thanks to him Thank you Thank You mr

O'Connor Do you think like because I have friends who grew up in military families as well they travel all over the place They're never in one place It's hard for them to make friends there go to different schools all the time but the thing that I Respect about them is they're very well cultured and and I think that's something that people who travel a lot, you know to really understand is you just have a general idea of just People yeah, like a really good balance of like understanding of people do you feel that? I mean were you traveling a lot and oh, yeah every six months to two years Wow, so it was really difficult to I Liked it you like I like decks like even as a kid Yeah, and I was like, oh I get some believe and I can become whoever I want to be at this new school understand Yeah I think I'm an actor because I'd be like I'm gonna be the shy girl here in North Carolina And there's like I don't like being the shy girls like I'm gonna be the obnoxious about in here in Hawaii Committed to it Yeah, I stayed in character for those Yeah, I was like a chance to like reinvent yourself over and over again until you found out like what you liked what you didn't? like about yourself and I got very good at chameleon ink so I could see I can read a room and be like I know exactly who I Have to be to fit in or I can just be myself So you know who your base is then? Yeah That is that you right now yeah Yeah I mean I'm a little turned up because we're performing but yeah, yeah Um, yeah and cuz you drink some milk and tea and water No, that's that's do you do you feel like the discipline also came from being in a like having your father being a yeah I mean, I think I had the perfect bifurcation of show and business so my dad was all like Every page you read you get a penny if you like pluck the weeds in the yard for two days I'll give you Titanic on VHS and so he taught me like hard work and discipline and like really valued education and my mom is like more of a flowy like Really funny clown type who loves artistry so she was always either painting or doing crochet Or like some kind of like hobby and so I grew up with both like discipline But also like a really big emphasis on creativity That sounds like good Like I feel like I've seen that Disney movie before like a Disney Channel original but like the dad who's like the officer and then like the mom was he creative and Then that's about you That's me

It's very windy real life That's very interesting Oh Wendy Whoo! That's other what Justin was on? Oh, Right I don't know Yeah, you don't support your friends, all right well Speaking of hydration we are going to our quick shishi break So we'll be right back right on time with my bladder and We're back we've been back anyway, I just did I just did right now? Okay

Yeah, and now we're officially back So let's let's get right into it Paco I think you should talk about your tweet Yeah, no We're talking about you guys You see this tweet is so stupid right you told I don't have it in front of me Read it guys Papi we did yeah mouth was trying to stop stop the Chanel, but he tweeted out loud So go ahead No, I was waiting so Okay Let me take control of this do you think Paco is cute It had the most parts it did

He got like married to the top nice I said it as a joke and to send it and he actually sent it So oh you tweeted it at yourself with? Questions to ask Yes, okay I thought you're just asking your audience in third person and maybe not you're cute You can be honest You don't have to make him feel good

Actually, even the stall makes me real good That's kind of the theme of this boss guys cute Wow Sound effects cuz again the theme was that he just made his life I think I'm good Yeah I would say you're objectively Q dark joke, you know Nobody's they objectively motion right now That means like Oh personally, I don't find you You know, I can see

Okay, you're an attractive man Yeah Yeah Thank you I appreciate that But objectively I was I'm just talking about physicality like in terms of like if I'm personally attracted to a person when I think women have the Capacity to fall in love with people who aren't attractive and they become attractive to them based on your personality So for me, I can see a guy who's really hot and like that's a hot guy But I don't feel anything until I know them I mean I could say that what guy – yeah, but speaking about that We also have in our notes recently in 2018 that you came out at a Streamy award show I did that you are by I am bisexual

I actually didn't see that clip but I just we just looked it up Okay Yeah, I saw the video of you Coming out to your parents Yeah, that was that cute Yeah Thank you

Your parents are very Very sweet They seemed very like very sweet people So I've asked them to do another video and they're like not yet We just not yeah Yeah, they're like we need we need some more space people need to like miss us more Okay Something you knew for like a long time hey, but you just didn't want to say it so I had a crush on a girl when I was like 11 or something and my friend I told my friend and she was like Ana you're just Trying to be interesting She said yeah So for a long time, I thought like oh I'm just a straight girl trying to be like interesting

What so, you didn't even know No, and I'm—bisexuality I thought you had to be like half in half and I'm not half and half I skew more male and But in talking to some bisexual ladies in the last year or so They were like no like any amount of my sexuality is valid like I have a friend who's predominantly a lesbian, but she's attracted to like a guy here and there and she's like I'm still very much bisexual I don't identify as a lesbian It's like a spectrum, right? Yeah It's a huge spectrum and no one's like on The very opposite end No because if you're on the opposite on your gay it was like bi is like I'm attracted to both but it may not be the Same amount per and obvious I think it's like actually very rare to have like an exact 50/50

You know what I found interesting Sorry that I I didn't know this but I do you did you get a lot of pushback from the gay community because there is pushback there and they feel like it's so interesting to me because it took so long for you to accept gay people and then Now that the people are coming out as bi, gay people—there's some actual pushback against bi people they think like straight people think it's either a stepping stone to being gay and gay people think like you're actually straight and just like Having fun with the other two generous selfish Yeah, it's selfish or whatever and there's this funny like I think being bi and Asian I was like, I have both invisibility things Maybe I just don't exist, I’m the invisible woman but yeah, I have had some pushback from gay people like especially cuz they're like well Have you ever had sex with a woman? Have you ever dated a woman? I was like do I need to ever have sex with a guy to know that I'm attracted to a guy like that's not a Thing like it's just ridiculous Um, but it's fun It's been a fun journey

When you said you were 11, right? Was it 11? Yeah, I think so You said you had a crush on a girl? I— I— I don't know about the Anatomy of a female like in terms of like sexually when you start feeling sexual desire Mm-hmm Then I want to press your face to their face Okay, so so I'm assuming when you’re Paco: David hasn't done that yet David: Yeah, I'm inexperienced but When when you're 11? You weren't sexual I was pretty sexual very young Like that's like puberty right like even like it's 6th grade Middle schoolers

Okay Wait is that 5th grade? At like (age) 8 I was reading like naughty novels I stole from my mom Yeah, why you had to grow up fast, right? Because you're traveling all over the place Yeah Yeah

I don't know I'm just assuming So when you were 11, you did have like a sexual kind of like Desire for the other girl that yeah, I don't know if I was like I wanted to fuck her when I was 11 But I definitely like I liked her like I want to kiss her you want to okay? Yeah, it wasn't like Oh, she's so pretty Like I want to know she was she was like more of a butch girl She was more of a tomboy Gosh, I've always been much more into tomboys Yeah, what I've always been like kind of curious about that like what? what draws a girl into a butch girl versus like a more pretty very pretty like Whatever I'm in feminine girl I don't know I guess to me like tomboys have always been like They're cute and they're edgy and like they're a little rough and tumble and they have really good hair That's like short but it's like gorgeous and and Oh quaff, and I don't know I feel like yeah, I want to sit on the back of her skateboard or something Though the way that like you kind of like portray yourself is like you're very edgy Yeah aspect And a lot of times people will say Oh opposites attract No, does that mean like if it's true in your case that opposites attract that I guess in your more personal life You're kind of more docile and like you're very no I mean, I don't know

I'm very masculine energy in my career So I feel like I have attracted a lot of women who are more feminine but I know in my relationships I need to be the more feminine one because I get I get To like resentful if I have to be the one who plans everything and does everything and controls the relationship so I think I've been always attracted to types that have more of that masculine energy because I'm like Oh, I can like relax in my relationship But then like have my masculine energy in my career Yeah, interesting So you I mean, you're pretty openly like a very strong feminist, right? yeah, but you still see well, I mean I know there's different definitions Of feminist these days like it doesn't not everybody has the same definition but like in terms of like in that relationship you're just describing Like having a guy have it to plan those things You don't think those roles should be equally Split up between the man and woman No, I'm a feminist in the sense that I advocate for equality for women but also for equality for men in the sense of emotional vulnerability Like I think feminism is also trying to get rid of toxic masculinity So I have been attracted to men who are like kind of feminine in their energy It really just depends I mean there's so many variations of like what can get along with a person but I do know in my relationships like I Can be so I'm such a controlling calculated person already that I want someone who can Sort of not be pushed around by my energy and can push back just like me I wouldn't actually want somebody who would be no No, ya know what the fight not even just a fight but someone who can like, you know Have a boundary and hold their boundary, but it's also and this is what I got Also from like Ali Wong special is because she's somebody who's also very much so like driven Yeah calculating in that aspect But they want to be like it's almost like not necessarily the opposition but that they can respect the other person

Yes, okay All right It's not gonna be easy I don't just get to control my own Yeah, like you want someone who like it feels like you you know You're an equal like I've financially supported partners before and it just doesn't I just hate it and so I need someone who's confident in who they are and who's doing their own thing and is down to be like no we're Not gonna do that I don't want to do that Okay, Co Co Co Co Co, but you won't push back you like push back for sure that's interesting because that Aspect of like that You're still working towards something, you know, you know that oh, they're invested in this

Yeah I like debate I Guess like one of the thoughts I have with the whole bisexuality thing is that me correct me if I'm wrong But me do you kind of see it as like you don't see guy and girl you kind of just see? personality and kind of what they stand for and then you because I Like when do you choose to date a dude versus? Date a woman, you know a woman Yeah, like like or is it like Leaning more towards male I date more men

Mm-hmm I have been dating women since I've come out And I'm sure they're very different They're so different I made a video about I hope it's not gonna be offensive But it's called like I've dated women and now I understand men because in Cousin I like would take women out on dates and they never offered to pay for they're having dinner or like interesting Yeah, and I would be like what the fuck and like I was talking to my male friends Like I feel like this girl's just asking me out So like I'll buy her dinner cuz you always suggest he's like nice restaurants Like I'm like, what the fuck and he was like, oh, yeah That's the thing women do yeah, what is it? How did you decide that? I mean between you two like why didn't you be the one like I'm not gonna pay? Well, I've felt awkward Also, are you gonna want that? Ask them out? No, she asked me out Wow you got you got I got But but that was just one experience with one lady Yeah but with other women it's been like I had someone invite me in and she was like Do you want to come in and make out I was like, yeah All right, pretty whatever and then she just talked the lake till 3 am

Which I don't mind But like I was like, we're not making out at all You're a liar What if what if a guy like what is more of a guy thing what if the guy said the same thing? Then I would expect to make out Exactly what it would have happened no more than that guy brings you in then he talks about his emotions till 3 Who are you more mad at the guy or the girl? Oh, I think it would depend on what they're talking about Like the girl was talking about it was it was? Same thing I would probably be pissed too Well, the thing is the premise of bringing me into the house with promises of kissing thing Yeah Like if you just said you want to come in and talk I would be like yeah, cool Unlike expect talking, but to say let's make out and then only talk to me until 3:00 am I'm like, I gotta go Just tender people know I can't do tinder So I do riah what's that Rai is like people in the industry

Oh Yeah So you're talking about other actresses actors? directors DPS people who are on gaffers Gaffers that's probably a good Network Yeah Actually they have a section just for networks Oh, really? They have a section for dating Yeah Going back so cuz I don't know if I like my answer was my question was answered

Um When do you choose a girl versus a dude like? This is it based off of like your a certain season or you just want to try it Like Trey Trey I'll get bored like you get bored because you're just recently you said recently you've been dating women Yeah, right it but it's like but wait, wait Why are you only dating women now? I'm dating buzz It's a mix you're going back And yes, okay, it just depends on like who's cool who's trying like Who do I vibe with when we meet up for dinner? Finally like dating in LA is its own special thing? So it's kind of awful and this about that No, so I don't know what that mean Oh my god, Ryan It's so bad dating here is awful because it's expensive It's not just that people are people are weird

There's super flakes because everybody Here not even just that like people are really commitment-phobic like all the people I'd date for three months about, okay It's time for us to be in a relationship now and they're like no No, no It's yeah a super I don't even think it's just like in LA think it's very la focused but it's it's coastal Yeah, no way Like the west coast is kind of like that was just like hey, I'm just trying to live my best Yeah con New York is right That's what they're never like hookup culture Yeah They're always like it's like when you're at a party and you're talking to someone and they keep looking over your shoulder to see who Else is in the room That's what dating here feels Like I haven't had that happen

I probably was the person but didn't notice Yeah, I think I did I think I think everyone's trying to like look for the next best thing Yeah in Dating and in work and in everything right in LA because everyone's yeah It's like a transplant City and everyone's trying to make it or you know, they don't have a strong foundation here Yeah, and everyone I think settles down a lot later on the coast whereas like women We're still bound by our biological clock if we want to have children and you know The what do you call it way the physical way versus like adopting out and so I mean I think women are just ready to settle down a lot sooner than all the men here you do you want To have kids I do really bad Does that mean a girl is out? Woman I would I would adopt or like do artificial insemination But I have always seen myself ending up with a man because I am more man skewed Yeah So you mentioned that you have a video that's that's speaking on what was the title again? I dated girls and now I understand men What are some of the like couples like a few things that yeah, well they were like the makeup thing the make-out thing I mean and then This one girl kept joking about us getting married like on our first date and I got really Like I don't know you For two hours And I've been guilty of making those kind of jokes on dates It's just like a fun flippin thing to do and then I was like, oh my god But it's not on the first date right, I mean I've made jokes if it's obviously a joke I don't see anything wrong with that Right, but I could see how that could freak someone else Yeah, what is it? What does a fun day look like for you? I love activities So like an escape room bullying laser tag, like I love going and doing a thing But see so that's something that I've kind of adapted as is dating

Yes A lot of times guys would be like, oh do you want to get dinner? Yeah, then it feels like an interview Yeah, and so when you do an activity together not only are you guys working together to do stuff you're creating physicality and you're allowing for like playful touching and stuff and then Mid Grobe and it was giggling playful touching sounds a lot nicer So after the playful touching you guys can have dinner and then like talk like oh, it was really fun And then you have something to talk about Yeah Yeah Yeah I also think you learn a lot about people and doing Activities for them like versus just sitting down and talking to someone at dinner as Commun that boring cuz actions speak louder than words Yes, this is true Touching that's my mouth David You ready for some playful touching? David was the last time you asked labeled touch We turned in Julia Dean just good advice now

We know don't make jokes about getting married on the first date actually You know, what if both of you are making those jokes, is that okay? I think if both of you are on the same page, yes but I wanna feel like people do people like do you go on dates like you just met them because I feel like if they Didn't know your comedy because you are not the I don't think you're considered the average girl in terms of your comedy, right? Is there some kind of disclaimer because if you were make those jokes you have that not like deadpan I'm not making a joke face, right? I Don't know you do sometimes no, I do Yeah It's funny Yeah, dry humor Yeah But like I can see somebody fat We just met I was like, I'm not sure if she's being serious or not Uh, I try to make it obvious that I'm joking

I try If they watched you they would know Yeah, I try to get people though that don't watch me or know me Yeah, I feel like we have a preconceived idea I try not to Google anybody before I go on a date with them other than just see if there's like a crazy headline About them being like I don't know problematic Yeah If they have a hashtag, yeah And then when I like them is when you deep dive What's the best thing about dating a guy and what's the best thing about dating a girl? I think the best thing about doing a dating girls so far has been the conversation like if there's anything that comes up Like I feel very safe to have a conversation about it Like hey, you said this thing and it made me feel a little bit like this But like I know you're in touch it wasn't this way, but it can get to be over Communicating I think the best thing about dating guys It really depends on the guy but for the most part I like feeling taken care of like emotionally and I feel like a lot of guys are very nurturing in that way Yeah, like they're down to like I like hanging out someone and they take initiative so he's like oh I'll call the uber all schedules a date or I'll do this like I'll take you on a thing Which I don't have to like mentally worry about whereas when I'm with a girl I'm usually the one planning and like taking action So generally speaking would you say that females? It's it's uh, it's more of a commute It's great communication on an emotional level and then Guys generally tend to take care of people better or take care of Women just take care of women or men Yeah in general

Yeah on a date I feel like men are very good at taking care of you If if they're the kind of personality that can't it's hard to generalize because everyone's so different But yeah, I do find with women The communication is a lot more clear Mm-hmm Interesting I think most guys aren't though Encouraged to be a trainee they said on average a woman speaks sixteen thousand words a day and a guy speaks ten thousand really yeah, yeah, I Uh, yeah, I guess I could I could see that Yeah, I think I speak probably of Three thousand Well, is that all we have for our questions and we got away from that for a little bit yeah Yeah, I think that's would you would you consider yourself to be a successful person? That's from that's from Twitter actually Hmm I know from the outside yes inside no Really why it's quite now

I don't know I just feel I Guess because there's different levels you can have success right like yeah I have a personal success Career success So do you just overall see everything is unsuccessful or do you see it as unsuccessful? I just see it as like a process and I still very I feel like I'm still in the process versus if I look out objectively and I see what other people see I'm like Oh, yeah, I guess I would consider that successful compared to most but inside I don't feel like I am successful Is that because you think once you feel that way you'll stop wanting to pursue all these different things Or pushing yourself to do it I don't know

I just feel like I'm still me if that makes any sense Like do you consider yourself? Successful? I think I Would if I'm thinking of what I wanted when I was younger, but then when I got here, I don't yeah Yeah Yeah, it's the same thing Yeah, there's like levels to it, right? Yeah It's like I unlock this achievement and now it's to the next stage Yeah Yeah

It's so incremental and small to that It doesn't ever feel like oh I have reached my peak, you know Yeah, I mean when I was like a kid my idea of success was just like making X amount of money Yeah, like that was just like okay This is what I gonna get this job do this and once I did it made that amount that I was trying to get to I Realized Okay This is not success Yeah And maybe it might be because I got there maybe if I never reached it Then it would have been like I'm always chasing something Yeah, I think there's it I think if you once you consider yourself successful, it's hard to say is everyone's definition But I think then you kind of just do nothing

Well isn't success Also, I feel like success is always changing like your idea that is changing as you're doing more things And so it's always Away, it's always farther than you if that makes sense Like I always was like my definition of success is when there's two projects I really want to do and I have the offers on both and I to choose between them and then I got there and I was like Okay Now my definition of success is being the lead of a movie and I got there I'm like, okay Well, now my definition of success is being a Marvel superhero in a movie or like and so it just keeps like going farther away You're in a Marvel movie Well, I wasn't a superhero

I was a journalist But you were in tomorrow, you know what you be still pretty crazy Or you come across like a magic pen and it's like I mean, I think that is a character, all right I mean you still have the goal of becoming the first female president No, I don't want to be in politics It hasn't been taking it You're pretty aren't you pretty opinionated on that I am but I I'm not educated enough in politics I don't understand how the system works intricately I have friends that are way more qualified than I am and I just was like I can't I feel I feel the same way Yeah, but even about like opinions I'm swayed easily really not really it's not swayed It's more just like I'm very open to hearing every side I think that's a good quality to have them but is also I've been told it's bad because it's like oh you're just Sympathizer eccentric and I'm like, well, I just want to hear both sides

There's a reason why both sides are so Like a hundred percent, they're right, you know Mm-hmm So I just like to see both sides because I'm not smart enough to know like I find it interesting, right? There's only two sides I mean there are many sides Yeah, but technically speaking but I It's like why is it just blue and red? Can't there be like purple and brown and I mean there are they're just too strong Yeah

Yeah it's like well, we got if you can't no, but you can't support that because then they'll say You're actually helping the other side because it's never gonna win Yeah, bro It's never gonna win him I don't know I think I think these little parties should get some love too I agree like yeah, they don't have a shot, but they should they don't have a shot at all But let's give him a shot I'm starting my own party I'll support you Okay

Well, I mean that's pretty much it Yeah, is there anything you want to I have a question? Okay yeah, it's more about the standard thing because you're not in the beginning and I was so when you're is there like Because you know you're strong feminist and when it comes to comedy though Are there things that you feel shouldn't be joked about I think Every topic is up for grabs if you can a make it funny and your be not Perpetuating some kind of hate speech or violence or any kind like I think as problematic as he is louis ck Made a really good paedophile joke where he talked about like, you know It must be so good for a pedophile to do this because of the repercussions involved in or like he was the first person who was like Oh, I had a baby and now I understand why there are dumpster babies So he was really good at taking Previously taboo topics and putting them in such a specific lens that they were okay to laugh at and they weren't necessarily condoning the behavior of people It was just putting it in a very unique light that you were looked at And you thought yeah Okay

I understand That's funny so I think like any Topic is up for grabs As long as you can find one of that unique light is but I think the hard thing with comedy is were incredibly politically Correct now and I think that has a lot of pros to it but it takes a long time to craft a masterpiece fucking joke and You have to try it out over and over on audiences And now when people record you in that process trying to find that lens You can be viewed as incredibly problematic Cancelled Yeah cancelled immediately because when Louis came back You heard about how they set was Yeah, so I guess Who is exempt from you know having to always be politically, correct? Because a comedians job is to find like oh, this is a line that we shouldn't be crossing were supposed to push boundaries well, I think the Louie things different because he he had a problematic, you know me to movement and everyone was mad that he came back and he didn't talk about it if he had made his Entire set about that behavior and made himself the butt of the joke and really showcase some learning along the way from that experience I think he would have been embraced That's what we really wanted

Right? We wanted him to learn from it to grow and to apologize and instead He's just made a bunch of jokes that were completely irrelevant So it was like a an elephant in the room I don't think anyone is exempt necessarily, but I think if you're in comedy you have to be hyper aware that anything years you say on stage can be taken at Face value because people are not comedians They don't know that you you know, you're going onstage a hundred times to figure out this one bit and get it perfectly, right? That's true yeah, but I mean like even just being on stage you I feel like that gives you a certain like freedom like even just like if you were to say something on Twitter the same thing if you were tweeted that Same thing can come to haunt you but if you sit on a stage with a mic and it looks like a stand-up set you Can get away with a lot more Yeah, definitely That's a whole Kevin Hart thing You know he had Some tweet what he'd say that he got the most recent No, it's like the whole like calling his friends like gay or the f-word Yeah, something like that And then like I feel like if someone said on stage, it's like a different lens like it's like that's okay Well, there's also no tone on line so you can't really understand that something as a joke she was like it was like ten years ago and like Yeah dad I think is an important thing to look at because people dig up all these old tweets I'm like it was okay to say that back then it was okay to say retarded back then Like you have to look at it the cultural lens like I watched bring it on at the Hollywood cemetery recently now movies

So homophobic It's good but it's like every time they called someone like a dyke or a fag like the whole audience was like “boo!” and it was like Understandably, so that's not okay anymore But at the time it was totally accepted different language almost yeah I mean, I have a video that's still up that has the word fag in it Mm-hmm, and like I don't want to take it down because at the time like I said, it wasn't nobody complained about it Yeah, if they and I called it out so I know obviously said like this is a different time and yeah but I'm not gonna take it down because of when it was made and it's clear that It was a different time and I've I said, I'm not gonna use that now Yeah, right, but yeah, it was it's crazy that that's out there and like give people if I tried to hide it people would find it 100 make It a thing Oh, yeah people have pointed out like I used to do a podcast with an X where the whole point was shocking answers and so one of the questions like if he could get away with a crime, what would it be and I was like I would rape a man So like that's so funny It's impossible or whatever and we all discussed to the questions and answers ahead of time But it is cut like blew up on reddit as me later down the road Layered way later like five years later or something and I was like no, this is a horrible cringy joke I was trying to be funny also Like that's the way you cope with assault when you've been assaulted you try to make light of it or you use that kind of language and Culture cancel culture Yeah, man

Yeah Well, that's a good note to end off But with that being said, thank you Is there anything anything you you want to plug or talk about? I'm releasing a music video every month on my channel every single month Alright, so go to Anna Akana, is it just Anna Akana? Yeah Okay, you have 13 songs I do one a month

So for thirteen months, yeah doesn't mean one year It's a leap year so 13 Yes Thank you again for being here Yeah, thank you guys and make sure you follow us @offthepillpodcast on Twitter and @offthepill on Instagram I might have mixed those up Was that right? Nope @offthepill on Twitter @offthepillpodcast on Instagram It's an ongoing joke that we're never gonna make it the same thing, right? Yeah Yeah sure with that being said, thank you again this Is how we end it? Um, we never really told you but we just breathe into the mic in three two one By this time since you're the third person that mic probably smells a little bit we don't all clean I cleaned it Oh, but they're all girls too So it has been all girls

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