Inside The Mind of Ryan Higa

Alright Patient 069, Ryan Higa

Time is 8:45 am Introductory session begins now Alright Ryan Why don't we start off by you telling me why are you here? Okay Um

Okay Before we jump inside the mind of Ryan Higa, which is a rollercoaster What the hell was that? Anyway Um, like I was saying

We are going inside the mind of Ryan Higa and let me tell you it is quite the rollercoaster

Okay, seriously, is that really necessary? 'Cause, like, this is going to be very long if we have to cut to a visual every single time I say the word 'rollercoaster' Fine, you know what? I'm just not gonna say it We are going inside the mind of Ryan Higa and it is going to be a you– what– you know what it's gonna to be

So buckle up Prepare yourselves Because this documentary is going to be really freaking

stupid Oh, okay, and now you guys don't cut to anything Now that I'm done talking, you don't cut to anything– Ok– yeah– what? You ran out of nice visuals of stupid things to cut to? And all of a sudden, you're just going to leave it on me? Okay

Okay, whoever is editing this, you are just a little bi– And I think we're all set, you guys good? Yeah, camera ready to run Camera B rolling Oh, you're alright? I'm good Okay, uh, why don't you just introduce yourself and just say who you are, what you do and why you're here? To which camera? Uh just this one right here

Camera A? Hello, my name is Matthew J Williams

I'm a clinical psychologist, and I'm here to assist in the evaluation of of you? No, uh, you're coming with me to evaluate Ryan Higa – Okay

– Yeah And that's not you in this case? No, I'm Rane Hawson, remember? [chuckles] We just met I'm sorry, can we stop for a second? I don't understand how is this possibly going to work on evaluating two– I sent you the Shane documentaries to watch, right? That's wh– No, no, I watched those but those are still, he's one person, but you're Rane and Ryan, I'm No, I'm just Ra– Look, we just gonna Can we just keep this moving? Because uh, there's going to be a lot of stuff that we have to get through and I don't really want to drag The one thing Shane's actually really good at is keeping his videos nice and short so Okay Alright [chuckles] I'm psyched Because I'm a

psychologist [deep sigh] Good, um Okay, so it is uh day 2

And don't don't let the fact that we're wearing the same clothes as yesterday throw you off Uh, we're just a little stink Um, we are currently heading over to Ryan's house Um, but since we have a little bit of a drive, uh, what we're gonna do is call one of his closest friends and kind of do a interview, I guess

Kind of like what Shane does, and then um just to get a better idea of, you know, what we're really dealing with here, so And okay

[phone dialing sound] Here we go, it is ringing Okay [phone dialing sound] Hello! Hey! Is this uh

is this Regina? Speaking! I am her! Well, first off, thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us What? Uh, I was saying thank you so much for taking the time to do this with us What are you talking about? I didn't take anything

No, we're just saying thank you for taking the time– Whoa! Whoa! Who the hell is that guy?! I don't want to talk to you! Turn me the other way! There we go, much better! Sick! Ugh! Now what were you saying? Uh, well we're just calling because um we know that you're very close to Ryan Higa and we want to know a little about him, so you are close to him, is that correct? Uh, no that's not It it's not correct? So you're not you're not close to him? Uh, no, he lives all the way in his house I don't live in his house, I can afford my own house, what are you trying to say, you stack cent (??) What what I'm saying is you I mean, you do know things about him though, right? Duh! Like things that no one else knows? I know lots of things about him that nobody knows, but they're all secrets

There's secrets are there any anything that you can tell us that nobody knows then? Yeah, all his secrets Okay, uh like what exactly? Um let me think a little bit Oh! I know, I got a good one! Go ahead So this one time we were all at a shoot and Ryan was sitting in this chair and I was right behind him because I was cutting all the gross (??) hair he was starting to get and nobody knows this, but then he puts up his phone and I could totally see his phone screen, and I saw that when he actually opens his phone, his passcode is actually one six nine– No, no, no, Regina, we can't– that's not the kind of secrets we are looking for we can't share that in our documentary Why not? Nobody knows it It's a good one I'm sure it is a great secret but maybe something a little less private than that? Oh, okay Well, nobody knows this one but

ever since Ryan moved to his new house, everything changed "Everything changed"? What do– what do you mean by that, exactly? Well, there's just so many different things like his furniture and the paintings on the wall and I can tell you right now, that the carpets are completely different where they are [incoherent mumbling]– Regina, those are things people already know, but just by watching his videos I know, you said less private Yeah, okay, but maybe something a little more private than that then Fine, I didn't want to talk about this one but

when he moved, something else changed as well Okay [sigh] And I know for a fact that nobody knows about this except for his closest friends, but

when he moved, he also got a new address, and that address [annoyed] Okay, you know what? Just forget it, alright? What? We can't use any of that Why don't– what do you want me to say?! Those are the biggest juiciest secrets I have about him What? You want me to talk about the boring ones, like the fact he's only 5'8" even though he claims he's 5'9" or that he got a piano in his house even though he doesn't know how to play it or how about the fact that he has a big drinking problem and nobody really knows about it except for his closest friends– Wait, wait, wait hold on, back up What? What do you want me to do? Back up or hold on?! You you just said Ryan has a big drinking problem Uh, yeah, why? How sure are you that that's completely true? Yeah, because that's a really big accusation to make Psychologist: so you gotta make sure– Regina: Ew! Who are you?! Get out of my face! I don't want to see you again! Turn it around the other way! Ugh! What– [weird noises] Getting back to what you're talking about, you're saying that he actually does have a really big drinking problem Yes! How many times do I have to tell you guys it's a big drinking problem, okay? I've seen it with my own eyes and ears [whispering] It's perfect, yeah? Why else do you think he has all those wet spots on his shirt and why I don't like to wear socks to his house anymore because every time I go there, there's puddles all over the place, and then I step in it and it gets all wet, and my socks get all wet– Wait, what does that have to do with his drinking problem? Because he's always spilling, what are you, stupid? [spill the tea, sis] Like, I don't know what his problem is, but it's not that hard to drink things, I have been doing that since I was like 5 years old So that's what you meant when you said that he has a big drinking problem? That he spills a little? Oh my god! Yes! How many times I'm gonna tell you the same thing?! I don't want to talk to you anymore, you [gibberish] [hang up] He hung up Wow, um I cannot believe we have so much good stuff already, dude, this documentary, 100% going viral

We might we might even be on DramaAlert [chuckles] [psychotic giggling] [evil laughter] Uh, this one right here? Yuh, I think this is good

Yeah, this is good Alright, thank you Pretty sure this is the right spot Um oh you know what? Actually one more thing before we actually get in there I told him I was only bringing my film crew Um so do not let him know what you actually do because we don't want him to become defensive Right, okay, you know that makes sense Yeah, that makes total sense If he asks, just tell him like you're– you're my

assistant or make something up, whatever you do, just do not let him know that you're actually a colonial psycho– psycho– – Clinical psychologist – Clinical psycho– Clinical psychologist [both attempting to correct pronunciation] Offscreen: Hey guys

Hey Ryan! Um good to finally meet you in person Good to meet you as well, man

Oh, and this is my good friend Matt, he is a clinical psych– [stumbles] psych-patient Um Okay

um cool, well, do you guys want to head in there and get this thing started? You know what? We'll meet you in there because we're actually gonna go move the car real quick because we parked in the sun, right? And uh it's we don't know how long this interview is gonna take and, you know, we don't want the ride home to be all hot, you know, so we're gonna go do that

We'll meet you I thought you guys said you Uber here Yep Okay, well, um take your guys' time I mean, I will be in there and I'll see you in there whenever you're ready Sounds good So, what are you doing? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god

Look at this, look! What? I literally just got chills What are you talking about? – I just have chills – You don't have goosebumps or anything to indicate, you're okay Well okay, you know you can't see a feeling but did you see what I just felt just now when I saw what I felt? What does that even mean? [sigh] I think we're dealing with something a lot worse than what we thought Okay, we literally just met him and he seems completely normal to me Okay, you don't think it's weird that he just snuck up on us almost as if he was planning for us to be right in this spot No, we told him we were going to be here this specific time and we did just that, so no, it's completely normal Well, what about the aggressive behavior the way he just shoved his hand out at us and show us like, "Oh, I'm dominant" He shook your hand, he shook your hand, that's completely normal Getting chills again

just thinking about his face, did you not see the way he smiles like a psychotic person? His mouth gets all wider, his eyes are squinty and– Okay, you know, just stop, okay? I know you want this documentary to be all entertaining and dramatic but you can't fake it, okay? You can't All that's happened so far is we've shown up at a specific time which we gave him, we met him, you shook his hand and that's it By the way, if you think his face is suspicious, that means your face is suspicious 'cause guess what? You've got the same face! Same face! Wow That is the most racist thing I've heard all week What

I I'm very disappointed Okay, that's not how I meant it in any way Seriously man, it's 2019, grow up [whispering] No it's not So I was thinking we could do the interview here, that's good for you guys? Yeah

that's um that looks great

I think we well there's we should take this couch

Uh, can I get something for you guys to drink? Water? Red Bull? Uh yeah, I'll have a water please, thank you Sure! Rane? I'll take a V8 Splash I don't

think I have that Oh, okay, then I'm good, thanks Okay Just what kind of person doesn't have V8 Splash in their fridge? The normal kind? Well, I think it's pretty normal that V8 Splash like, pretty stocked up Nobody drinks V8 Splash, literally nobody Well, maybe they would, you know, if this was like they want to be like a sponsor for this documentary, you know what I'm saying? V8 Splash? Are you trying to wink? I'm trying to sponsor Here you go Thank you

Alright, so um how do we start this off? Do you want me to introduce myself or– No, don't even think of it like that, this is just gonna be a very casual normal conversation just between friends, think of it like, uh, just hanging out Okay, cool

Um so first off, I guess, uh, is there any history of mental illness in your family? I'm sorry? Mental illness, like any crazies in the family like, I don't know, your parents, you, brother, sister, cousins, you, I don't know Not that I'm aware of, no

No? Huh, how interesting What's that supposed to mean? I'm sorry, um, Ryan, would you mind giving me a moment with Rane, please? Sure Why? – What are you doing? – What? Who starts off a conversation asking about mental illness? How would you have started it? I don't know, talk about the weather, talk about the– – Who cares about the weather? Okay, I thought we were here to find out if he was one of those like crazy so– so– so– so– sociopath? – Sociopath? [arguing] – Sociopath, okay? – Yes, okay – And I'm not going to be able to evaluate him if he's uncomfortable and he doesn't open up to us, do you understand that? – [sigh] [clears throat] So you got a pretty nice house Thanks, man Fine, yes, he does seem a little uncomfortable Yeah, I think so, so you know, maybe just chill out with the questions a little bit

You're right, fine, you're right, you're right, I will, I will chill– At the very least, bring it up a little bit more casually Fine, okay I will, if it comes up, I'm gonna run with it though Okay, that's it That's exactly it – I got it

I got it – Okay, we're good – Here We got it – Yes

[awkward level: 100] This is come on, let's just do this So, sorry about that

Oh, no problem, you guys good? We're good We are good Um Okay Speaking of good though the weather

has been quite good, wouldn't you guys say? I mean, for me personally, it's been a little cold but I guess if you're into 40 degree temperatures, yeah it's kind of nice [forced laughter] Has– funny Uh, speaking of cold though, have you guys ever been to the grocery store? Now that place is freezing, let me tell you Ah, I mean, it definitely can be, sometimes Such a weird place, the grocery store, don't you think? Like, why do they still have a magazine aisle, right? What is this, 2015? Do people really need magazines? Like, let alone a new issue every single month, right? What what are you doing? What are you doing? Like what do they do with the old issues when the new ones come out? What do what do they do with all those? I'm sorry, is this like some kind of comedy bit you're working on? No no, just casual conversation, you know, I just, do you guys never wondered what happens to the old issues when the new ones come out? Hmm

no I can't say that I have I imagined they recycle them Oh Well um I guess since we are on the topic of both old and new issues, what are yours exactly? What? Okay, seriously, you need to stop

What? It came up naturally this time Okay, I don't even know what the rest of this interview is even salvageable at this point, but if you want to grab anything else at all, you let me do the rest of the talking, understand? Fine Fine, but all I'm trying to do is warn you, okay? He he really knows how to steer a conversation It's like it's that gas stove or is um

? Some pretty sure it's gas He is incredibly manipulative and when I look into his eyes, I see this darkness, you know, the part that's supposed to be colored in the middle, there's this little circle of darkness

That's just his eyes, that's how eyes are shaped and colorized No, I think he's one of those things What things? I think he's an emu

– That's not what that is – It is, exactly, it is– See, he already got to your head, I think that's what happened [long exhale] – Let me have some – I have to go to pee too Like a lot You're in the bathroom, so sorry But hey, are are you going to wait for me? You're gonna, okay, I'll be– number one

Sorry about that again Yeah, we had some camera issues to work out and you know it was just getting really messed up and– Look, guys, I know what's going on, okay? You guys don't have to be so sneaky about it, like, I will be completely honest and answer all your questions

as long as you guys do the same for me Because if not, why are we doing this, right? There's no point That sounds fair to me

Totally, um but we were being honest it really was a problem with the cameras and we had to fix Right

Well this, like, weird error message popped up on the viewfinder screen on the cameras saying that the lens aperture– Lens aperture — was corrupted by the shutter speed exposure on the memory card white balance ISO Okay, that's not even remotely true, there were no camera issues No, it really said that the lens aperture– – You can't corrupt lens aperture! – –corrupted What then, why did it pop up on the screen? I oh my god Look, I am so sorry, okay? You know what? Guys, let's just, we– I think we should stop while we're ahead, okay? – What? – If you want us to leave, I completely understand I think we should go – What? What do you– – You know what? No

No, hold on I'm actually really curious now, um Rane, can I ask you a question? Okay, um

Why are you here? What? Why? I mean, to do this documentary– No, no, no Rane Why are you really here? Why am I? I just told you, to do the document, to interview– Rane Rane Why are you here? Like why am I– What do you mean? Like, do– Why am I like

physically right here or like why am I doing this documentary in the first place? – Um, you know I don't normally – Rane – I'm not – Why? What do you do, I don't, what, what? Just tell me why you're here

This is um Just tell me why you're here I You know, the Shane stuff really seem to– What brings you here? Um Why are you here, Rane? I'm only here because I feel broken, okay? Is that what you want to hear me say? Fine, I'm saying it I feel broken I'm broken I mean

I've been doing this for over 12 years, you know That's a long time It really is

Um And I know I don't normally, you know, jump on trends and just do things because it it works, um but

you know I'm just so I'm just so tired, you know, so tired You're tired And so you compromised your own values and basically made a subpart documentary piggybacking off the success of Shane Dawson series just because you thought it would be easy views But documentaries only succeed when people know they're real and now you're realizing that you haven't been real for a very long time, have you? I I don't know I mean I don't know, um But you do Because you're finally looking at yourself and seeing the real you

the you that was hiding behind all the other personas you've created over the years to hide behind Personas? Like what what do you even I don't know what you're talking about

I think maybe we should take a little break right now, this is a good spot See, there's the happy funny version of you that uses comedy as a defense mechanism to show that nothing really affects you

Then there's the most normal persona, the one that you use to show that everything is just fine in your life despite everything going on in your head There's the silly obnoxious one, one that thinks they're smarter than everyone oblivious to the fact that everyone sees right through them and how incredibly dumb they really are And there's just so many others that people don't really see or know about but you've created all of them for the exact same purpose to hide and protect the real one The broken one

The one that nobody really knows or gets to see including you Because in order to see him, you have to really look at yourself

and you were just so afraid to do that now, weren't you, Rane? Or should I say Ryan This whole time Okay, you know, all you've done is change your hair, that's literally all you're done, just put your bangs down over your forehead – No, I'm Ryan – Nothing's changed! You know what? I'm Ryan

I'm– I'm finished This was supposed to be a documentary, okay? Not some sort of ridiculous drama It's not a drama Really? [chuckles] Oh, it's not a drama? Well whatever it is, it doesn't make any sense at all I mean, who are you right now? Are you Rane? Are you Ryan? And if so, are you still Ryan? Yep

That makes zero sense That makes no sense! You said you wanted to see inside the mind of Ryan Higa Nobody said that place made any sense What, no! I didn't want to do any of this, this is all stupid, okay? This was his idea, Rane or Ryan, whatever The point is, wasn't my idea, I wanted no part of this

And who do you think you are exactly? What? Yeah, who do you think you are? You know what? This is stupid I'm done Stop, cut cameras I'm done with this, okay? I'm done with this nonsense, we're doing not– doing this anymore, I'm gone Nonsense? Didn't I already tell you that

you're inside the mind of Ryan Higa? Nonsense is sense No he he

Okay, that makes no sense and he told me that Don't you get it yet, Matt? We're all Ryan Me, Rane, Regina

the Uber driver the cameraman the sound guy Makes you think you're so special What makes you think you're not Ryan as well? Because it's obvious! You guys look the same! I don't! That would be the second most racist thing I've heard all week if it wasn't coming from myself Oh my God Sometimes personas look different but like I said, they're all created for the same purpose Okay, okay, well uh, I tell me uh, if I'm a persona of Ryan and you've named every persona of Ryan that exists, tell me which persona am I? Why don't you take a look right there and find out for yourself? Oh my God, n– n– n– n– n– n– This doesn't

why am I we– this doesn't make any sense You're the persona with the drinking problem What? No, no, no

No, no, this doesn't make any sense! Like I said, that's because you're in the mind of– [screaming] RYAN HIGA! I KNOW! [screaming] STOP SAYING THAT! Then why are you here? Tell us, why are you here, Ryan? Why are you here? [anxious, nervous] Ryan, why are you here? [music getting more intense, reaching insanity] Tell us, why are you here? [voices getting louder] Why are you here? [echo-ey voices] Why are you here, Ryan? [voices getting more intense and drowning out] What brings you here, Ryan? [continued screaming] Alright Patient 069, Ryan Higa Time is 8:45 am

Introductory session begins now Alright, Ryan Why don't we start off by you telling me why are you here? Okay Um Well I– tend to

spill a lot when I drink things And I kind of always just wondered Oh, I'm sorry, one second, camera is kind of malfunctioning Lens aperture is corrupted

Oh come on! Again? TEEHEE Hello? Is anyone here? [rumbling] Oh what the hell?! Oh ahhhhhh! Eww what the hell is this, gross! Yuck! Sick! [spits]

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