How To Run For President!

Yes It is true

I lost the presidential election in 2012 to Mr Barack Obama But that is only because I thought the world was ending So I withdrew from the election and hid under a rock on top of me But now in 2016, It is finally time for me to formally annouce to the country, No, the world

No, the entire city! That I, Ryan Higa, will once again be running Four (for) kilometers down the road to the registrations office, Where I will fill out all my information, To run for president, again! No, thank you for having me Hi, I'm Ryan Higa And today I'm going to show you how easy it is to run for president by example After 5 simple lessons, you'll have all the tools necessary to run for president Including your own campaign slogan

Which in my opinion is the most important part You know which slogans I'm talking about Hillary Clinton has "Fighting for us" Donald Trump says "Make America great again As for myself, I don't have one yet

But by the end of this video, not only will I have a good campaign slogan, But a slogan that is better than all the other candidates' slogans put together So let's get started The first lesson in running for president: You gotta be able to answer all the tough questions For me, answering tough questions is nothing new Not only have I answered tough questions I've answered some of life's toughest questions

Such as They were both first the chicken was inside of the egg Yes, Justin, it is in fact too late to say you are sorry No, no, no The sum is 19 Unless you're 19 and you still think 21 is a funny answer

No, Frozen 2 does not come out for another 2 years Well, yes It does make you look a little fat What, you asked for honesty Wh- Why would you even ask me if you expected a certain answer ? We're just going to the movie theatres why do you even need a dress in the first place ? Can we please just go ? Thank you ! Now what do you wanna go see ? I just told you it doesn't come out for 2 years, Justin ! Now that you can answer all the tough questions, You are now ready for lesson 2

Addressing the big issues Every election, candidates are always asked about the same big issues Education, gun control, North Korea All you have to do is talk about those big issues And give your very own solutions The current "no child left behind" act pushes struggling kids forward And I personally think that is absolutely immoral and wrong

When there's someone in your group who is slow or disadvantaged And they're falling behind you and your group Do you go and push that member forward ? Absolutely not ! You slow down and you wait for them Because that's what's right I plan to abolish the no child left behind act and establish the no child running ahead act Where we will never push a struggling student Instead we will slow down the ones that excell Not only will we protect South Korea But East and West Korea as well And every other direction in between We're still not sure which side North East Korea is on But thank's to my future vice president Kanye We know that we have North West on our side Some people believe that guns kill people Others believe that people kill people But I've always believed that people kill guns And just like pets have protection with PETA I plan to start Gunna Where you can have a gun But if you abuse it in any way We're gunna kill you Every good politician knows that if you make the people afraid of something They'll look to you to fix it Look at what Donald Trump did for example With all the recent bombings and terrorism going on He made the people fear muslims And Donald Trump says he wants to ban all the muslims from our country Now I completely disagree with that but I do believe in freedom of speech So when I become president Donald Trump can still say whatever he wants But I'm going to make it mandatory for him to have a muzzle on That's right we are going to muzzle him And he will henceforth be known as a muzzle-im You see what Trump did wrong is that banning all muslims is unrealistic The fear that you introduce needs to be something believable Something the people can relate to Something real Washing machines ! Not everyone has one But for the ones that do I'm here to tell you That in 2017 all washing machines will come to life And there will be a war Not just for America but all of humanity And I know this because I am from the future Even if you can't keep them you have to make promises of things you would change if you become president And these promises just need to be things that everybody would be happy with All future award shows will be only hosted by Steve Harvey Anyone who says the word Hello Will no longer be able to follow it up with "it's me" or "I was wondering" Anyone who writes articles that list things Must put the entire list on that one page Rather than putting a bunch of the things listed on different pages So you have to keep clicking "next page" All sports will be renamed more accurately to what they look like Basketball shall be known as bouncy oranges American footbal shall be called organic egg toss Tennis will be known as spiderweb slapstick And most importantly International football or American soccer Will no longer be called either But instead a combination of the two names football and soccer Put together to create a more accurate title Known as flopper Can we get somebody to fix that fireplace ? There we go And last, but not least: Your campaign Now this is probably the most important one because this is what wins the elections It doesn't really matter what you plan to do or what you plan to change if you have a good campaign And most importantly – I've mentionned it before: You gotta have a good slogan I can fix it From hope to higher ground I am fighting for you democrats Make America great again My name is Ryan Higa And today I need all of you To help me Find My Speech ! It's uh- I think it may have fell out of my pocket on the way in So the front row if you guys could check I actually can't start without it so if you guys could all pitch in We could do this a lot quicker Anyone ? I found it ! See ? Wouldn't want to be choking on this Can't be president if I'm dead right ? Alright, where were we ? Yes, I may have lost the presidential election in 2012 And yes, I may have lost the Teen Choice awards in 2015 And yes, I may have even lost my iPhone in an Uber 2 weeks ago But there is one thing I will not lose This election ! I know there's a lot of other candidates who have their own visions for this country Well not only is my slogan better than all of their slogans combined But I have something they don't have More YouTube subscribers ! Even though 60% of those subscribers aren't old enough to vote yet And 40% can't vote because they are from a different country That still leaves the rest of you And together we can do it ! A new American leader from the future to defeat the washing machines in a fight for America again I'm Ryan Higa and I don't approve any of this sh- So thank you guys again so much for watching If you want to see the previous video click the one on the right If you want to see bloopers and behind the scenes Click the one on the left And remember people I need you help in order to win this campaign I need all of you to keep hashtagging the hashtag #Higa2016 And together we can defeat the washing machines And make this country Washing Mac-free

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