How to be Politically Correct!

Hi I'm Ryan Higa and I am currently attending the University of College State where I am majoring in Political Correctness so you know that I know what I'm talking about I can tell you exactly what is considered offensive and what isn't

I mean I've taken all the classes on political correctness such as Facebook comments 101 Twitter trends 102 to Wikipedia I've even taken an advance class on the subject called reading news articles that other people write that tell me how I should feel about controversial topics 205 With my vast knowledge on this subject I'm gonna be teaching you how to be the most politically correct you've ever been It was offending me Welcome to how to be politically correct

For those of you what don't know what that means, being politically correct, or PC, Basically means to avoid offending people Because we all know offending someone's feelings Is the worst thing a human being can do So let's get started The first lesson in being PC is to avoid the trendy topics If an issue is trending on social media Or talked about on the news The chances are you should probably avoid that topic Because all of a sudden everybody really cares about it now And no matter which side you pick You're probably going to offend someone Here's an example of a trendy controversial topic That you guys might remember Can you believe this? What? This is Starbucks's Christmas cup

So? So? There's no Christmas on the cup! This is a blatant attack on my religion A blatant attack on Christianity! Plus, the cup is red! That's the same color as hell! And the devil, and fire, and pimple's that aren't ready to be popped yet Well I think they're right for not putting Christmas on the cups What did you just say? Well I'm not a Christian and if they did have Christmas designs on the cups then that infringing on my First Amendment Right of Freedom of Religion How dare you say something so un-American! Un-American? The vast majority of Americans – *Shouting match ensues* Guys, guys, it's just a cup

How dare you – *Shouting match continues* See? It might seem like a silly petty argument, But since it was trending in the news it's really important now If you really want to be PC, avoid the trendy topics This is what he should have said Guys, guys It's just a- Nevermind

No comment You know what, you're worse than both of us! Yeah by keeping quiet, you're part of the problem! Yeah, you're not doing anything to help But this painting is so offensive I don't know why- The next lesson in being PC is no more jokes Jokes are a thing of the past I mean, you might think that some jokes are not that bad, but in 2017, ALL JOKES ARE OFFENSIVE! Hey, you want to hear this joke I just read? Ok

Ok, so three guys walk into the bar right? Oh ho ho! So three GUYS, huh? Didn't know you guys were against women's rights What? Why do they have to be guys? They don't Well then it's sexist Why are there no women? Women go to bars too! Yeah, I know Dude, it's just a joke

Oh, it's just a joke? What, women aren't funny enough to be a part of your little joke? Ok, fine! It doesn't really matter, ok? Three WOMEN – Good! – walk into the bar in the middle of the day, right? *Laughs* The middle of the day, wow What is it now? Now you're saying that all women are alcoholics ya bunch of misogynists! Hey, why did the duck cross the road? Why? To prove he wasn't chicken *Laughter* Are you implying that all chickens are cowards? Or that somehow ducks are above chickens in some way? What? Because ducks and chickens are equal, ok? And people like you who support duck supremacy are part of the problem What are you talking about? I don't see how this is offensive

Yeah, of course you don't You don't see it because you're a little privileged duck-boy who grew up in the safety of your little ranch So of course your not afraid Chickens? Chickens, we grew up in fear We get drugs, GMO's forced into us at the mills

We're forced to watch each other get slaughtered just for food? Hey, ducks get eaten too Yeah, they do But tell me, how often do you come across ducks eggs at the supermarket, huh? How often do you pass by a fast food chain called KFD? Yeah see, all birds lives do matter But right now, chicken lives, those are the lives that are in danger And that's what's trending

What do you call someone with no cell phone? I don't know what? A house phone, because with no cellphone, you gotta call them with a house phone As somebody who finds Jonah Hill's and Michael Cera's comedy inappropriate, I take offense to that joke What? They never even said this joke How is this even related to either of them? Cause it was Superbad And finally, for the last lesson in being PC is for you to know that everything is offensive

If you don't think that something is offensive, chances are you're a bad person and you're not looking hard enough Here, let me make it easy for you I'll give you some examples Now take a look at this X-Men poster Does it offend you at all? Because if it doesn't, you hate women

It's clearly showing a man choking a woman So that means YOU think its okay for men to choke women Not to mention that the top of the board it says "only the strong will survive" implying that men are stronger than women BUT thats not it This poster isnt JUST sexist ITS RACIST I mean why is the light skinned blue person choking the dark skinned blue person, and not the other way around?! Take a look on (bad grammar LOL) the date at the bottom! Don't tell me its just a coincidence that they conspired the release date to be on 27th THE EXACT same day That the race riots in East Saint Louis took place in 1917 AND as if that weren't enough the title ITSELF is not just sexist! Its a hate crime! I mean the title of the franchise is X-Men! WHY not X-Women?! I'll tell you why! Because X-Men Apocolypse is an attack on the LGBTQ community! *cooly* That's right X-MEN stands for transgender They're X-MEN They used to be men now they're women

So they're ex-men So when they say X-MEN apocalypse what they are really trying to say is it's the end of the world for the transgender community I will not stand for that! I will remain sitting! I will not Wait a second May 27th? This is old news Is this not trending anymore? Eeeehh it's not big deal then

Next So in closing, I now there's a lot of things to remember so I'm going to simplify it and try to wrap everything up In order to be a truly politically correct person, avoid all of the trendy, controversial topics Which basically means that if something is being talked about by somebody, somewhere about something, You may not have an opinion about it Because you're wrong And it's going to offend someone

You must also remember: no more jokes Jokes are a thing of the past So remember to never laugh or to make anyone else laugh Because if you do that means you're laughing at the issues Issues like war and rape and racism

So if you laugh, you're a racist war rapist! And last but not least, and most importantly, everything is offensive It's not rocket science If you don't want to offend others, it's simple Don't have opinions, don't take any action, don't walk, talk, move, wear or share anything you're thinking about Especially if it's about an issue, and everything is an issue

And, at the same time, keep in mind that with all of these issues if you don't speak up and take action You guys are part of the problem So stop having opinions, stop taking action, and step up and do something and take action! *TEEHEE* Greg: Cut! Cut

What? G: No no no it's not you The video is great, the message is clear, it's just we're missing something I don't think we're going to get the views this way Unless *simultaneous gasp* Hi I'm Ryan Higa

And I'm

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